


Bloody Torchwood

by galaxysoup



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Community: writerinadrawer, Gen, Humor, WriterInADrawer 4.02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-15
Updated: 2010-06-15
Packaged: 2017-10-10 03:20:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/94897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxysoup/pseuds/galaxysoup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Torchwood - outside the government, yes, and beyond the police, certainly... but there are other authorities that not even Jack Harkness can escape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bloody Torchwood

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written for round 4.02 of Writer In A Drawer. It has been heavily altered since I posted it for the challenge, because the original story was frankly quite bad and I felt I could do better if I tried. This is the end result - it no longer conforms to the word count limit (300 words) and one of the prompts has been left on the cutting room floor (inclusion of two words in a foreign language). In fact, the only thing remaining from the original challenge is the prompt 'Things that go bump in the night'.
> 
> It does, however, now tell the story I originally set out to tell, and the entire process of writing it has definitely been a learning experience. So please - go forth, and enjoy!

The third time the Rift spat up a very angry Grx'xh!le in the exact same spot, Jack started to suspect there was a pattern forming. Unfortunately, since Grx'xh!le are as a species very physical with their displeasure, this thought occurred to him at the apex of a rather impressive trajectory.

Six point seven seconds later, Jack's fall was broken by a very nice striped awning, a glass patio table, a small tabby cat and, eventually, the ground. The presence of these items strongly indicated that he had landed in Mrs. Evans' back yard. Again.

The vociferously displeased cat confirmed this suspicion by attempting to dig to freedom by way of Jack's spleen.

"Hullo, Mr. Pawsy," Jack said in a resigned tone, engaged in a battle of his own to free himself from the sadly tattered remains of the striped awning. There was an outside chance that, if he could free himself _quietly_, he might for once in his many lives escape the inevitable and always-damaging-to-his-dignity wrath of Mrs. Evans...

Like the proverbial devil summoned by an unwary thought, Mrs. Evans herself burst through the back door, resplendent in curlers and a nightie.

"You, _again_!"

_Crap_.

"Mrs. Evans!" Jack said, dredging up his most authoritative public-servant ex-military head-of-a-top-secret-organization tone and managing, by mustering a level of flexibility even Ianto did not know he possessed, to achieve more-or-less-upright status. "Go inside, please - escaped zoo animal in the - "

"Look at my patio, you bastard! I just replaced that awning!"

She advanced, vengeance in her eyes. Jack made a last-ditch attempt at escape and overbalanced. From his newly prone position he tugged hopefully at one of his trapped limbs, but several of the awning poles had somehow become wedged between a nearby oversized flower pot and an ornamental bench with a vaguely demented stone cherub seated on it, and refused to budge.

Jack took stock of his options and went with Offensive No. 1, Subsection A.

"Sweetheart," he coaxed, giving her his 'dashing hero' smile, "Don't mind the patio. Come over here and help me out...?"

Mrs. Evans gave him That Look. Jack didn't remember his grandmother, but he knew That Look when he saw it. It reached down through his hindbrain, grabbed him by the spine, and said _Don't lie to me, young man! Stand up straight. Tuck in that shirt!_

He caved.

"I'll send Ianto round tomorrow to fix everything?"

"See that you do."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  
By the time Jack got back to the fight, his team had everything under control.

"Mrs. Evans?" Owen smirked.

"Ianto, you're to go round tomorrow and fix her patio," Jack said with great dignity.

Ianto sighed. "I miss when she used to just hit you with her cricket bat."


End file.
